Never Saw it Coming

November 24,2013, Sat. 1:01pm

When will I be whole again? We had been together for years and I thought we were growing.We had plans together, everything was set at the right place. I will never understand where and how did it all start? Is it because of the distance? The time difference, 2 worlds  apart. We are meeting halfway to what we thought was a world we share.  Or maybe,that’s what I thought. There were no  signs to where it was coming,this. Pain? Maybe this was the same feeling of  trust  and security I've been holding on for so long. Everything just shoots me at once, traversing my vulnerable soul. My heart is in pain right now and all I ask from God is to take away this pain. This uncomfortable feeling of regret and betrayal. We were once strangers of different thoughts of our future. But I knew,that one quick glance, the time our eyes just met 4 years ago, I knew, I knew there was something. We started out  rather slowly. I’m  not comfortable  throwing myslef all over someone,spilling the beans to someone I had just met.  The quick chats, short walks and awkward stares-all these had slowly opened up my heart. We were like drawing blinds day by day, revealing a piece of ourselves. Like a painting, we were stroking the canvass day by day, not knowing what to picture.Years gone by, we were growing. The canvass was slowly starting to have shadows and edges.  I was growing. We had plans together. He was growing. To some degree,I know that he also learned from me. Besides, we all learn from someone, to anyone. That’s how we live day by day. 

I never saw it coming- or maybe I wasnt really looking. I had been busy painting our canvass, day by day. I was picking up the perfect color, the perfect textture and consistency to make this make believe masterpiece. But all along, through these years,I was the only one left effortly trying to finish the canvass. I do bother to check on him, check his textx, his facebook messages or calllogs,or know his whereabous or his friends. So ironic to think that the more I became conscious on him, the more we drifted away. Maybe ive been too much focused on the future, that I was rushing things too much. These thing confuse me as much as they also leave marks of revelations and truth on my heart.  Honestly, all these things maybe are just my imagination to cover up what had really happened, what was wrong in the course or our relationship.

I dont know if I will ever understand why these things happened in a seemingly guarded situation. Well I was really caught off guard, nerver saw it coming, never thought of it at the back of my mind. But there’s one thing I realied- Most of the time we are so focused on one thing that we lost track what’s moreimportant in life. God had a way of making us realize that we need to value ourself as much or rather as much better than we do for the ones we love. I have been wounded,scarred. A scar that will soon leave a story of courage. Will I be whole again?