I didn't have the chance to fight back, to physically harm you from all the pain and drama you've caused. instead, i had handled the situation in my most vulnerable- I never thought of slapping you, which you deserve by the way. I never thought of getting even, just like what you had planned, twisted us in your own story. Here's what I have to say.

You wasted your time trying to break us more and more apart. let me tell you this. You lost in this battle. My heart may had been broken but atleast I have someone to fix it up with me. We are more than happy, I am happy, thankful even that we were able to surpass what had happened months back. I shouldn't not even be writing you because there is nothing more to say. i just want to tell you that you were not successful in your plans. In your stories of drama and revenge. i hope you are happy now.  i hope you feel better behind all your schemes and evidences. Keep them, delete them, share them- I dont really care. I have my own story to unfold, and unlike yours- it is unplanned, spontaneous, sincere and real. 

Godbless. 

The Summer of My Life

You would think think that this would be just another  blogpost on how I am spending my Summer Vacay 2012, posting random pictures of me in a swimsuit or in the lovely sands of Boracay or Coron. 

Well, please be disappointed because this is a post on, I think, the best summer I have- my Graduation Day. This is so special to me because it is in this rare occasion that I'm with my family. That we're complete and just spending the day together. 

This is also a very special day for me because, I am not only Graduating but I am ending my college graduation with Academic Distinction. I know that my family is so proud of me and all the sacrifices of being away from them for 4 years- that is only being with them thrice a year on sembreaks, Christmas breaks and Summer breaks, has boiled down to a blessing. 

I have been so blessed this year and I hope this would go on till the year ends. I am entering medschool at the same time on June, and so I am keeping my hopes high for a better, brighter and greater 2012.

Every pain is worth it. 2008979071 signing off.

 

I love my dress! It's a simple Magenta peplum dress with silver detail. I had this made by a Tailor at Chat's in our province. I thought the color was too bright but I think, it's really nice. I had personally picked the fabric together with my Ma'am and brought with me a sketch which I got from the internet. 

Never Saw it Coming

November 24,2013, Sat. 1:01pm

When will I be whole again? We had been together for years and I thought we were growing.We had plans together, everything was set at the right place. I will never understand where and how did it all start? Is it because of the distance? The time difference, 2 worlds  apart. We are meeting halfway to what we thought was a world we share.  Or maybe,that’s what I thought. There were no  signs to where it was coming,this. Pain? Maybe this was the same feeling of  trust  and security I've been holding on for so long. Everything just shoots me at once, traversing my vulnerable soul. My heart is in pain right now and all I ask from God is to take away this pain. This uncomfortable feeling of regret and betrayal. We were once strangers of different thoughts of our future. But I knew,that one quick glance, the time our eyes just met 4 years ago, I knew, I knew there was something. We started out  rather slowly. I’m  not comfortable  throwing myslef all over someone,spilling the beans to someone I had just met.  The quick chats, short walks and awkward stares-all these had slowly opened up my heart. We were like drawing blinds day by day, revealing a piece of ourselves. Like a painting, we were stroking the canvass day by day, not knowing what to picture.Years gone by, we were growing. The canvass was slowly starting to have shadows and edges.  I was growing. We had plans together. He was growing. To some degree,I know that he also learned from me. Besides, we all learn from someone, to anyone. That’s how we live day by day. 

I never saw it coming- or maybe I wasnt really looking. I had been busy painting our canvass, day by day. I was picking up the perfect color, the perfect textture and consistency to make this make believe masterpiece. But all along, through these years,I was the only one left effortly trying to finish the canvass. I do bother to check on him, check his textx, his facebook messages or calllogs,or know his whereabous or his friends. So ironic to think that the more I became conscious on him, the more we drifted away. Maybe ive been too much focused on the future, that I was rushing things too much. These thing confuse me as much as they also leave marks of revelations and truth on my heart.  Honestly, all these things maybe are just my imagination to cover up what had really happened, what was wrong in the course or our relationship.

I dont know if I will ever understand why these things happened in a seemingly guarded situation. Well I was really caught off guard, nerver saw it coming, never thought of it at the back of my mind. But there’s one thing I realied- Most of the time we are so focused on one thing that we lost track what’s moreimportant in life. God had a way of making us realize that we need to value ourself as much or rather as much better than we do for the ones we love. I have been wounded,scarred. A scar that will soon leave a story of courage. Will I be whole again? 

"Being A Med Student Is Sacrifice"

*A random article written anonymously from the Internet. 

I am an MD-to-be. I live an unhealthy and sedentary lifestyle composed merely of sleeping for four hours a night (that is if you get lucky). Sitting for long hours in the classroom. My exercise regimen is changing classrooms, standing for an hour or two during bedside discussions, and carrying thick-paged and hard-bound medical books.

 I am on the verge of caffeine addiction. All my energy has been drained from me. And the worst part is, I'm not just physically drained, I'm mentally and emotionally drained and socially stunted. Is this the price I have to pay to be a doctor, to have that right to attach to my name those two most important letters in the alphabet, MD?  

Being a med student is like being handed a free roundtrip ticket to hell. For me, at least, it feels like it.

 

 I'm not delusional. I'm not discouraging anybody to be a doctor. But, one must know and understand the realities—The truth that lies behind the typical life of a medical student.  Before I entered medical school, I already had this preconceived notion that it would be really difficult.  

That was an understatement.  

First year was devoted to studying the "normal". The greatest bulk of my time was spent smelling formalin in the Anatomy laboratory with the cadavers. Since my pre-med was not Physical Therapy, I really had a hard time memorizing the origin, insertion, and actions of muscles which the doctors lovingly tie during practical examinations. Hello! Of course I know the commencement, termination, and tributaries of pudendal vein, but where the heck is it? I could not find it. I bet, even if they give me the whole hour to look for that vein, I'll never find it.

 Biochemistry? You need a trillion neurons to accommodate the litany of information you have to store. You'll need more than 36 ATP from glycolysis and Kreb's cycle to pass that subject. And more importantly, gluconeogenesis should also take place in your brain, not limited in your liver, because you'll really need a large amount of glucose to feed your ischemic brain.  

If you can live in Neuroanatomy, Histology, Anatomy, and Biochemistry memorizing without understanding, Physiology is a different story. Physiology is understanding without the need of memorizing, which unfortunately, was even harder for me.  

Moving on from first year to second year was like transferring from the Sahara Desert to Siberia . Everything we studied was abnormal. We spent hours in Pathology looking under the microscope, helplessly racking every corner of our brains for the diagnosis of a small scraped tissue. How could you tell that the patient is having a heart failure, that she has cancer and that she only has five years to live just by examining a teeny-weeny bit of stained tissue, resembling more an abstract-surrealist painting which I can never appreciate?

 The essence of being a doctor nowadays is to be able to give the patient a prescription (Right or wrong, most of the time it does not matter anymore. Patients get instantly healed when they get their prescriptions) . And in our Pharmacology examinations, I usually don't get the right drug for prescription writing. Well, except for Paracetamol, but what the heck, I always computed for the wrong dosage.

 Internal Medicine tackled history and physical diagnosis. Here, you'll get a first-hand experience of interviewing a real patient. It's one small step closer to being a doctor. I remembered how nervous I was approaching my first patient. I didn't know what to ask. My line of inquiry lacked coherence. I fumbled with the physical examination, wondering why I could not hear any heart sounds nor breath sounds, only to find out I wore my stethoscope the wrong way.  

I've just finished third year and I'm barely alive. Third year was a totally different story. I had completely lost the idealism I had when I entered med school. I am beginning to ask myself why I'm spending the prime years of my life almost a breath away from cadavers, half alive-half dead myself. At 23, I should be earning already, And not be an immense burden to my parents. I have a high-maintenance lifestyle.  

My parents would spend close to a P100,000 a semester only for my tuition.

 I still had to ask my mom money for my books and daily allowance. And I know that this setup will continue another four years or so. As my high school friends are starting to save their earnings and beginning to build families of their own, I'm hardly out of med school, probably still stuck reading Harrison's Internal Medicine, cramming for a case presentation and helplessly being grilled by a consultant during bedside discussion.

 Being a med student is nothing but sacrifice…. First and foremost, you have to give up sleep… Sleep is the most precious gift any med student could ever receive. It seems that sleep does not exist in the vocabulary of our teachers. Sleep is taboo to medicine except when doctors advise it to their patients.

 It's totally ironic. Doctors know that human beings (medical students included), in order to function maximally the following day should at least get eight hours of sleep. Then why do they expect us to read everything, to pass all their difficult exams, actively participate in case discussions and to answer all their questions when you only get an average of four hours or less sleep per day? We're not different from human beings who need to eat three times a day, who breathe the same air, and who need to rest.

It's not as if God had given us an extraordinary pineal gland and reticular system so that have an extraordinary circadian rhythm and a long, long state of arousal. I just hope our doctors would understand that if a med student failed to read something, it's not because he was lazy. He was probably tired and had gone to a dreamless slumber because he spent the previous night like a psycho studying for three exams.  

I have sacrificed time for my family, for my friends, and for myself.

 

My whole life right now is devoted to  Harrison, to Schwartz, to Nelson, to Adams, to Smith, to Green, to Kaplan, all authors of my medical books. I mean if these are the surnames of all the guys I go out with, seven times a week, geez! I would die a happy and fulfilled woman! Instead of accompanying my mom to the supermarket, I have to stay home because I have to study. My dad had already complained to me that I do not have time for him.  

My friends had stopped calling me because whenever they talked to me I either spoke in monosyllabic words, or they could not understand me because I spoke as if I drank tons of tequila. I talked like a drunk. Well, in fact, I was just in the middle of a dreamless sleep.  

See? How can you choose this kind of lifestyle? It' s not even a lucrative job anymore. You have to get rid of all the more experienced and old doctors to get even a handful of patients. So, if you want to be a millionaire, don't slave in the hospital because even if God had made one day 72 hours, instead of 24, or gave us 14 days instead of 7 in one week, you're still way off your one million mark before the age of 30. Of course, I have witnessed a lot of people giving up med school…. But never have I heard, not even an anecdote, of a rich businessman giving up his entire career, just to study medicine.  

Being a doctor is not something you have to decide overnight. It's not a result of your whim or a fulfillment of your parents' dream. Because if these would be your reasons, you're entering the wrong profession. Choosing to be a doctor means being committed to a lifelong journey of endless sacrifice.  

You have to be sure that this is the life you want to live—that you love to live—not something you'd tire of halfway.

The ironic thing is I never wanted to be a doctor in the first place. I wanted to be a writer, a novelist, or even a journalist. I was just dragged by my mother to take up medicine but fortunately after seven years of schooling, I learned to love it. Of course I still have doubts that maybe I'm really not cut out to be a doctor, leading me to think if it's really worth it. At this point, I don't know anymore. What inspires me to continue is that in the future, I know I'm going to save a man's life. And through it, I can honestly say to myself that I have made a difference in someone else's life. And I reckon, maybe that's what being a doctor is all about.

 It's not working in some fancy hospital, earning big bucks from your patients, changing your cars quarterly from BMW to an Alfa Romeo to a Jaguar, nor travelling around the world magnanimously sponsored by some big drug companies.

Neither is it the various letters attached at the end of your name. Being a true doctor is not treating the patient as some hypothetical case from a medical textbook. It is treating the patient as a human being, Who possesses a heart that does not only pump blood but a heart that could feel, who doesn't have a brain that is visualized only as black and white in an MRI or CT scan but has a mind that could reason, who is not merely composed of cells, of tissues, of organs, and of different systems but a human being who has a soul.

Being a doctor is being able to look at every patient's eyes and seeing in their depths the hope that somehow you can make one father go home and enjoy dinner with his family, or you can make a grandmother attend her only grandchild's piano recital, or you can send a mother to be with her daughter as she enters into the complicated life of adolescence or you can transform an infant's cry to a frolicking laughter. Being a doctor means being a part of an unimaginable greatness that you can only understand if you surrender yourself to years of rigorous training and incessant pursuit of medical knowledge.

 During all my interviews in different med schools, they asked me why I wanted to be a doctor. I always answered that I wanted to help and save humanity. I'm sure all my interviewers have heard that same line from countless fellow applicants. But I don't care because it's the truth. I don't know how I can do it but I know eventually I will, in my own small way. Medicine is neither for the weak-minded nor the weak-hearted. My endurance has been tested. My strength has been staunchly fortified. Medicine has changed me completely. I have sacrificed a great deal and most of the times, I may feel I'm not compensated. Most of the time, I would want to give up but I know deep in the core of my heart, I won't.

For after careful reflection, I realized that being a doctor actually gives me a different kind of happiness, a different kind of self-fulfillment, which I can never find in any profession.

Word of Thanks

March 22, 2012

Our Ladies Home Dormitory

833 M. Earnshaw St. Sampaloc Manila

I was chosen to give the word of thanks at our dormitory, OLH last March 22, 2012. I am so grateful for having been chosen for the Thanksgiving Mass. I am so filled with such inspiration from all the people that became significant in my college years.. 

           I remember the first time I entered this dormitory. I was really young back 2009, just a 2^nd year college student, looking for a place to stay. I was with Papa and we looked for many dormitories here in Espana. One day, when we rested for a while in Florida because of the scourging heat, my father was able to look at a green gate near where we are seated. Unknowingly, in between the busy street of Espana, the noisy buses and vendors of Florida and the  street of Lacson  lies a dormitory, in which I now consider home.

            It is in this home that I was able to countercheck my imperfections. We are not perfect. We make mistakes, but it is in these mistakes that will eventually make us a better person. For my three years of stay here, I may have been very quiet and will only talk when called to, I can say that I have met significant persons -friends that will always be a part of my life.

            To our parents, all of these will be impossible without your unconditional love and unending support. We will always be your little girl. We are blessed to have you and for committing us to the hands of this dormitory. We are eternally grateful for.

            To Sister Malou, sister Luisa, Sister Francis, Sister Marissa , Sister Judy, Sister Reena, thank you for reminding us that in whatever we do, there is God who guides us in our path. Thank you for always praying for us and for being there in times that we feel fear, when we have problems. It is here in the dorm, that I appreciated much the  presence of God. I never thought that I will be much drawn closer to him because of the goodness of the people around me-especially Our Ladies Home-which is my second home.

            Thank you Ate Cecille and Ate Janet for being so patient to us. When we are coming home late and at times we forgt to log in, you were always there as our sisters here in the dorm.

            To Ate Baby and the staff, you make our stay in the dorm fulfilling as you fill our plates with delicious and healthy food. I will never forget the healthy and yummy food you always prepare for us three times a day, every week for 6 days. The sound of the bell will always remind me of the generosity you are giving us everyday.

            To the working staff who fill this dorm with fun and laughter, thank you for keeping the dorm clean everyday. I know that it is hard to juggle school and at the same time serve here in the dorm but I salute you for being able to do that. You are an inspiration to all of us.

            And, to us graduating students, we are all packed up. Four years have gone so fast and it was only yesterday that we were pursuing life independently-being away from our parents for the first time, and learning to take care of ourselves, but at last , we survived. All the hardwork, doses of caffeine and  sleepless nights have paid off. 

            Here is one thing that I would like to share to all of you- now that we are entering another chapter in our life-there is more than the achievements we make, or the recognitions we receive or the amount of things we buy that will make us happy.  At the end of the day, we will always be weak and innocent. But, just like what Oprah had once said, “What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine.”. We will always be coming back to God, and to our family despite how famous we become or how rich we may be.

            This is not the end for us- this is just the beginning of life slowly being unfolded. Let’s live life to the fullest remember- “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, It is about learning to dance in the rain.”

            Congratulations to us graduates and congratulations to our parents and friends who are part of this celebration. May we always be guided with the right path and always remain humble.

            Thank you and God Bless!

Top ten Graduation Quotes (from chicogarcia.wordpress.com)

I am a fan of Chico Garcia and Delamar of The Morning Rush at MonsterRadio 93.1. I always listen to them since I was in first year of college. And I always look forward in hearing their Daily top ten on random things. Here are some of my favorite Top Ten. (From chicogarcia.wordpress.com)


Thanks Chico, Del and Gino! 

My favorite Radio Show in the Morning! Hope to meet them someday!

THE TOP TEN GRADUATION QUOTES

1. Astroboy – “Always listen to your elder’s advice, not because they are always right, but because they have had more experience at being wrong.”
2. No name – Our dean once said: “Unguarded moments are the ones that make or break you.”
3. Sommet – My teacher mom once said: “Walang taong bobo. Meron lang taong mas matiyaga.”
4. The Wanderer – Our prof said: “Tiger Woods did NOT play basketball just because all the other kids his age did. Successful people don’t always go with the flow.”
5. Schadenfreude – “A diploma is just a certificate of unemployment.”
6. Gracia – To a prof: “Sir, pag ba graduate na ko, break na din tayo?”
7. Anne – “The best lesson you’ll ever learn is to learn the lesson.”
8. Ginger Ale – Steve Jobs advice to a graduating class: “Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”
9. Sam – “Graduation is not the finish line. It’s the starting line.”
10. No name – “Geniuses are NEVER appreciated in their own time.”
11. Zeni Grand – “Failure is just the postponement of success.”
12. Ellen Degenerate – From Kurt Vonnegut’s message to the class of ’97: “Don’t waste your time with jealousy, sometimes you’re behind, sometimes you’re ahead, the race is long, but in the end, it’s only with yourself.”
13. Astroboy – Henry Ford: “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off of your goal.”
14. Radian – “No one has ever said on their deathbed: ‘I should’ve spent more time at the office.’ Life shouldn’t end just because work started.”
15. Blitzkrieg – “Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, bring your own sunshine.”
16. WEiRDn_aLIEN – No matter what school or course you graduate from…sa call center din ang bagsak niyong lahat!”
17. Alex of Cavite – It only takes as long as the first time you have to make a monthly report before you start missing school.”
18. Lelouch – “Excellence is not an act; it’s a habit.”
19. Sally ni Harry - One design of Spoof shirts read: “I will graduate on time no matter how long it takes.”
20. No name – My daughter graduated valedictorian. During her speech, she said: “To my parents, thanks for the GENES.”
21. Jeff – “A diploma is not a guarantee, it’s a ticket.”
22. Eien17 – “You’ll never find anybody who achieved great success without a give-up story.”
23. Famous Marcus - I wish somebody had told me this while I was still in college: “Summer, Christmas and semestral breaks are gone forever. Welcome to the real world where vacations are earned and are subject to approval by your warden, este, immediate superior.”
24. Roskilde – To nursing grads: “Congrats, you now have to compete with 50,000 unemployed nurses for a limited amount of jobs.”
25. McMaki – I always say this during graduation season: “Madadagdagan nanaman ang mga jobless!”
26. Benet – The opening line of a senator’s speech during a commencement ceremony:“Congratulations graduates. Welcome to the world of the unemployed and underemployed.”
27. Specialist – “A drop of water breaks a stone, not by sheer force, but by dripping continuously. That’s the power of patience and perseverance.”
28. Boknoi – Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.”
29. Boknoi – George W. Bush said, in a graduation ceremony, “To those of you who received honors, awards, and distinctions, I say well done. And to the ‘C’ students, I say to you, you too may one day become President of the United States.”
30. Hellgirl – There’s a time limit to the term: “fresh grad”.
31. Tsiken Fit – “Rule #1: The boss is always right. Rule #2: When the boss is wrong, refer to Rule #1.”
32. Sckye – My resident-in-charge told my groupmates & I after our rotation with him months before graduation: “This school is like Krypton; here you feel like a nobody, but out there, you’re Superman!”
33. Geronimo – During the baccalaureate mass, the priest said in his sermon: “Education is like water. If a cow drinks it, the cow produces milk. Milk, which supports life. But if a snake drinks that same water, it will produce venom. Venom, which harms life. So which type are you?”
34. Glenskie – From U.P. Diliman Chancellor Sergio Cao: “There’s a difference between getting a degree and being educated.”
35. Sharkbait – In PUP, a summa cum laude gave her speech: “We’d like to thank our parents for striving hard to pay the P500 per sem for our tuition fee.” And there was a huge GASP from many parents in the crowd. Apparently, many students gave false information to their parents just to get more money than their tuition fees.
36. Mr. Perk – “Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”
37. Astroboy – “Success is like masturbation; only y0ur own hand can let you achieve it.”

Vanilla Sky and Sunsets

I love the teal sky and feeling of sunsets. It makes me feel secured and at home.

It's my first time to create a blog. I got inspired by the many young Filipina bloggers and I thought, might as well have one. Ever since I started exploring Blogger, Wordpress and Blogspot, I got really addicted following and reading the blogs of my fellow ladies who share their experiences on life, fashion, family, food and everything their passionate about. 


A blog I read said that it takes a lot of courage to create a blog since you are somehow sharing publicly a piece of your life. You'll never get away with haters who post anything, judging you and posting comments which are really below the belt. On the other hand, the feeling you get when some people appreciate what you're doing and compliment you for what you have shared, is priceless. I do believe that there are still a lot of good people. And these are the ones that make our life more meaningful. 


And so, I welcome myself in the blogger's world. Hope I'll make this one productive! :)